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You all probably get sick of my inconsistency with blogging, and I apologize. I kinda wanted to just chat about that subject, since it has been on my mind a lot lately, not a clear train of thought by any means, just a bunch of mumbo jumbo that has been swimming in my brain for weeks!
Since we finished the project for our family room, which nearly killed us to finish, on a schedule.... I have been struggling to catch up. Because NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING else happened in those 4 weeks, no cooking, no cleaning, the least amount of dishes and only a few showers. It was like a bomb went off in the house, nothing is in it rightful place, and not a second to do anything but get the project done, just barely. We literally recorded the video at 1:00 am the night before we went to Utah for my sister-in-laws wedding. To top it off all that beautiful storage, is just a closed door mess right now, which just makes my mind crazy.
But moving on- as a blogger, I have weeks of total, commitment, where everything aligns and I get a ton of stuff done. Then inevitably the next week, nothing works out, I have no energy, I get discouraged, then I get lazy and nothing gets done til my inbox is literally teeming with mail. The cycle starts again.
Lately though, all around me it seems, that I keep seeing all these posts, talking about how they (meaning other bloggers) have finally got it all under control- all balanced and skinny and beautiful... and my inner dialogue pops up saying, "What in the heck is wrong with me?! ****" . I have always prided myself on what I could get done, and well, that has just changed.
For the first time in my life, I am not really in charge of my schedule. These two little people are. Night and day they rule what I get done and what I don't. Sleep or not. With one, it was SO much easier, with two- it is well -harder. Especially for me, maybe not for someone else, but definitely for me.
And not getting anything done but "Surviving" ( they should make a t.v. show about it) can be really hard and super frustrating when you like to be busy with big projects like me. It is hard not to be frustrated when things don't get done for weeks and weeks and months and dare I say the y word (year). Then to add insult to injury, daily my email subscriptions bombard me with all the things I should be able to get done with two kids and I desperately want to get more done. But, even when I do get things done, I don't have enough free time to post about it. What gives?
One thing not many of you may know, is that I struggled for 8 long years with infertility. Waiting for these kidlets to decide to come to me was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. All I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, I've been talking about it since I was two. To have my own little baby (plus a few more hopefully) in my life. Adoption was out of our reach financially, as well as medically exploring what the problems were. It was the worst kind of dead end. And a really hard struggle.
So now, that I have them, my lovely little daughters, I feel like I need to not be frustrated when they take short naps, that are overlapping so that mom can't shower or feed herself or workout or make dinner or just sit on Pinterest for 5 minutes alone in my thoughts... overall, I feel like I need to get my priorities a little straighter. And that is where I am right now, now revelation, about being in control.
I don't' have everything figured out. And this last week including right now, all I have wanted to do is clean my house, and not be answering email, or writing project posts. And my house is almost, getting to the point where I feel like I can actually organize anything, or walk without tripping over STUFF junk which has taken a lot of help and work... for days (when my house gets messy, I really mean messy, not just un-straightened)
So anyway, while I feel really alone in this, non-productive state, or period of my life- I know I am not the only one. So, maybe one of you will know how I am feeling?!? And I hope that while I am figuring things out that you will bear with me. I may have to feature a few other people's wonderful dreamy projects a little more often (please send them in! PLEASE!) and write as I can. But I don't want to regret not spending time with my daughters. I don't want to be so distracted with building and decorating the perfect home that my children, get lost in the rubble.
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What do you think? Are any of you feeling this way?
hiya Cassity,
just wanted to say - you are absolutely human!! and real...and amazing!!!
life with kidlettes - especially little ones - is flippin hard. don't let anyone make you think otherwise.
AND - they grow up way too fast - so you just be content with loving them and amazing over them every single minute you can. that's the most important job you can EVER do. and if the house looks like a bomb has hit - that's fine. that's normal - that's the way it's supposed to be.
I have a quote I found on Pinterest - "good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids"- stuck onto my notice board. It's my mantra - I read it daily!!!!
great post! most peoples should be real like this.
hugz to you from way down here in oz.
cheryl xox.
Of course we are feeling the same! Every mom wants to be able to control all the things that surround her in perfection... but that isn't always possible! And there it is when you start feeling guilt. Well don't you worry at all! It's an absolute normal feeling. You will see that when your youngest reaches the age of 4, things will be much easier for the whole family. Oh and something else.... of course we are going to bear with you. Keep up the good work on everything you do!
Love, Olga
http://www.stardust-decorstyle.blogspot.com
Thank you for bearing with me! I love doing this blogging job. I just hope that someday, I can grow up to be super woman! But for now, I will just be happy(or try to learn how to be happy) with what I can do!
Hi there, I am sure you will get many comments telling you that you are not the only one! I wanted to chime in because we have similar thoughts. I now have 5 boys (I had 4 for the price of 1
) I struggled with infertility for YEARS and while I don't think that is the only way to be wanting to savor your children's early years, I do believe it makes you really aware of it. The fact that it could never have been and all the years you thought it wouldn't be. I also feel like God entrusted them to me and often think about what I want them to remember. Finding balance and rhythm can happen, but life happens too. As you said one week goes smoothly, but the next maybe the kids get sick or you do, or everything you put on hold for the projects now can hold no longer.
Beautiful post and I have no idea who can do it all truly. Maybe that definition is different by person too. For me, I am just too honest with myself to know when I am putting too much emphasis on what I know is not the right thing at this time.
Thank you so much for saying this!
{michelle}
Two for the price of one sound great but HARD! I agree with what you are saying about being hyper aware. Thanks for your support! IT is really nice to hear the I am not the only one!
I've only got one little one and it's hard enough to keep everything together--I can't imagine having two! (yet) I have a feeling that all those bloggers saying they finally have it together will only feel that way for a short while, especially if they're moms. I've only felt on top of things periodically, and when I do I do a little dance in my kitchen. Most of the time, though, I'm chasing a little boy around, thinking of all the things I need to get done that I haven't. But we'll "get there" one day, right?
Sorry for rambling...I loved this post!
I hear ya, about being on top of things randomly... now I just need the extra patience to push through the other times...
Seriously?! What are you doing rummaging around inside my head? I honestly feel like you just took everything that I think and feel 90% of the time and put it into a post! I could copy and paste this to my blog (the one I haven't posted to in probably 2 weeks!) and most of it would be true to me! You are not alone and while I hate to know you feel this way too, I'm glad to know I'm not alone either!
Hey Cassity, I think you're having a completely normal struggle, and working mom's definitely have it too. We spend too little time with our young ones, but it doesn't mean that we don't have our own desires for our free time. I don't know what your whole situation is, but have you thought about hiring a babysitter for maybe one day a week or a just a couple hours here and there? Sometimes I have to remind myself that it's not how much time I spend, but the quality of time I spend, so rather than trying to multi-task everything, you could set aside one day a week or a few hours a day to clean or do projects or blog, so the time you do have with them you're not distracted. Just a thought....being a mommy is tough, and we all have mommy guilt!
I have the same feelings about raising kids and "getting lost" in the "getting done" of life.
It's helped me to think of it "all" in seasons - each season during the year, we're busy with different parts of life - there are really productive times where we accomplish a lot - and also there are times to sit back and think (because that step IS really crucial to our creativity!). Through all of it is the need to REMEMBER to REMEMBER where we "are" - esp as parents - we really do get one shot at creating their childhood and looking at life through our children's eyes - at their level - is vital to them!
Apply the "seasons" to your week - take some time for your children and for yourself- without guilt!
I know exactly what you mean! Last week I posted almost everyday, and this week, I haven't wrote one post...You're not the only one that gets discouraged, I struggle with it too. There are many times where I wonder if blogging is worth it all and then there's other times where I enjoy it. Just continue being a wonderful momma and let blogging come as it does. That's what I try to do!
You are not alone! I'm not skinny, broke as a joke, and barely anyone reads my blog and I could desperately use a sponsor (one income is TOUGH). I wish for success like yours. I'm home with a (just turned) three year old and 6 month old. Getting out of the house is a 2 hour affair. Juggling it all is a lot, but I feel like I literally have the best job on earth (mom). You will hit your stride and find your balance. I don't know who all these skinny, pulled together bloggers are, but I sure would like to be one of them! (haha). I hope venting helps you feel better and you find the support you were looking for.
Of course we understand! I don't think anyone really has it all together. I know I've pushed the clutter out of the picture frame when taking a pic for a post, then had to go back and crop it a bit closer, because there's still a dirty sock in the corner of the pic. Life is messy, and life with kids is messier.
Surviving has been my motto for the past year or so. I get a few days of inspiration here and there, but mostly life is about cleaning and keeping up with three growing boys! I totally get where you are coming from:)
You're not alone. I could write a book on this subject. My youngest is now 13, almost 14. I had 4 little ones at home and I struggled with depression throughout most of their early years. Like you, I like to be busy, but when you add the layer of depression on your life that makes even the most basic of tasks insurmountable, your perception of what a project is changes. For me, some days getting a load of laundry finished was the biggest project I could take on. I've ended up being truly grateful for those years of depression. They made me sit still and by being still, I got to spend time with my children that I would not have taken advantage of had I been more capable.
Today, my depression is mostly in check, but I do have energy surges that make it so that it's hard to do everything I want to do and think that I should be able to do. Recognizing your limits and finding joy in the accomplishments you do make is a good start. Today, I got the dishes done. Dishes that sat all weekend long because I was busy with projects. I don't feel good today, but I got those dishes done. If I accomplish nothing else today, it's okay by me because, Woo Hoo, I now have clean dishes once again.
Hang in there. While it doesn't seem like it now, they are only small for such a short time. Enjoy those moments.
Cassity, I think in our culture of extreme BUSY-NESS, that there is no-one that is not touched by these seasons of chaos. You are @ least stopping to see this pattern before your girls are in school, in college, or out of the house & it's too late. Everyday is a new day! A new opportunity to make memories that will last a lifetime.
I too want the perfect home, I am a new blogger trying to find my way, but most of all I am a mama of the sweetest 9 year old that ever breathed on this planet! I waited 14 yrs for her & didn't know how I was going to handle her going to school. Someday's I'm productive & someday's I just want to home-school her & squeeze her all day long! You inspire so many people on your fabulous blog, but your most impacting inspiration is influencing your daughters! Keep blogging, remodeling & inspiring, and being a great mom, BUT most of all keep peace in your life. Take a deep breath & enjoy your day... kiss your kids & do your dishes. Make them laugh& laugh along with them, then throw in a load of laundry. Put yourself in a time-out today too - even just 5 minutes all to yourself. Sorry for rambling on... I'm gonna stop right here! Blessings to you on this wonderful day!
Maybe one of us will know how you're feeling? How about all of us? I don't believe there's even one mom out there who hasn't stood exactly where you stand, who hasn't felt exactly how you feel. I think sometimes we moms are really just kids in the candy store. Every choice is so appealing, so satisfying, that we make the mistake of wanting it all. We'd never allow our kids to have everything in the store, so why do we allow ourselves? We have to establish priorities, decide what's really really important to us, and focus on those things. It means letting go of some stuff (gasp!), lowering some standards (gasp squared!!), and asking for help (gasp cubed!!!). Because in ten years it won't matter if our kitchen floors were mopped when the neighbor dropped by, if the family ate sandwiches and soup (from a can!) for dinner, if the clean clothes sat in the laundry basket for two weeks until every piece had been worn without being folded. But in ten years the time we give our children, our spouses, our health, our dreams and passions will matter...a lot. Finding balance isn't about having it all, it's about having what matters most to us and peacefully letting go of the rest.
Wow! This is really well written, and it makes so much sense! You are absolutely right. i will be thinking about this for sure!
I'm sure you will hear many tell you this, but you are not alone. I did not adjust to having two children quickly at all. I felt terribly overwhelmed. But every day got a little easier and I found a little more time for myself. I might never have it all together, but I'm learning how to prioritize and also how to let it be. Hang in there.
totally!!!!! im recently divorced with a 14 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. they are both having trouble dealing with the split. and i feel the overwhelming sense of unorganization and energy. im constantly praying for patience with them as they act out in their own ways, for patience and forgiveness within myself, and for grace to handle this all with a level head. and its hard, and i feel like im failing most of the time. but i just do what i can, let some things go, and realize i dont have time to do things for me bc i have to focus on them more than ever. i feel ya!!!
Ira lee, I am sure you are doing a great job! keep it up! You've got your priorities straight just keep it up!!
You can't do much when you've got little babies. It is easier with one, but once you've got 2 or 3, forget it.
Once those kids are in school watch out -- totally different. But you have to wait. These years are the hardest but they won't come again.
I literally just took down my Halloween decor. I am thinking that I will just wait a week and go straight to Christmas.
As someone who also struggled with infertility let me also say this: my oldest is graduating from college this spring. I am not sure how this happened as she was JUST a babe in arms. The projects can wait. Childhood can't.
agreed!
Of course we will be patient and stick with you! I too struggled with infertility and then even when I did get preggo, I would lose them early on. I do have to say "Kuddos" to you for just waiting til God was ready to give you children. We eventually had a healthy boy and then adopted (through foster care) a little girl. My belief is that you have to put your family first. You were entrusted with those little angels and like you, I believe that they are my first priority. But dont worry, you are doing a fantastic job and I LOVE your blog. And everyone needs some time off, so take some family time. By the way, your girlies are beautiful.
PS- Foster care adoption is a great alternative for those who struggle with infertility. And there are so many little ones out there that need a loving home!
Joy, We actually did start the foster classes while we were in North Carolina. The people running the class were NOT nice or supportive in any way. So we had a hard time, but I am still considering this option in the future! I think it is a wonderful option! Thanks for letting us know your story too!
Cassity....After reading your post this morning, I think I would rename this posting as " A Moment of Clarity "! I am a stay at home wife...(kids grown and gone) and I still struggle with all the daily "stuff" wifey poos do. I used to clean like a mad woman..wanting everything perfect....well...life is not perfect. I have at times followed a blog and after awhile...deleted it..because they are not being real! Those babies are your world..not us...your blog is an invitation into your home..not a magazine...your projects are yours...and the time table is yours...not ours. God bless you and your family. Enjoy the upcoming holidays...and when you can..blog away...if you can't...we will still be here for you:)
Yes, I totally get how you feel! That's why I haven't blogged in months. I decided to be a stay at home mom so I could be home with my kids. Not so I could spend hours on the computer blogging or doing crafts to blog about. They will soon be grown and I will have plenty of time for those things. I don't think I will ever look back on these years and say "I sure wish I'd spent more time blogging/crafting." But I know I would regret it if I didn't spend this precious time with my children. It's all about finding balance in your life and I'm sure you will find what works best for you and your family.
Hi Cassity - I'm a mom of 3 with an infinite list of projects to complete, a constant stream of dirty dishes, and a laundry pile big enough for my kiddos to jump in! Just when I feel like I've taken care of 1 item on my list, 2 others have spun out of control. It never ends! I hope you and your husband know that everything you have accomplished is incredible. That's why people read your blog. It is hard to be a mom and get ANYTHING done. You may not feel this way, but you are inspiring. Your girls are really little right now. It will get easier as they get older (and they grow so fast!) It's hard to remember that no one expects us to be perfect. We just hug those little ones tight and do the best we can each day. =) - I love the new look of your blog, btw! -
I've felt like that at different stages with our daughter and we're about to have a little boy. It's hard when you feel like you are barely getting anything done and you feel like you're letting everyone down at least a little...and not getting time to do the things you would personally like to do. Just don't be too hard on yourself. Things will eventually get done and your kids are just happy to be with you. None of us can get it all done and different stages with the kids are harder than others. They won't always be little so try to enjoy the time without putting so many expectations on yourself. Your readers love you and your blog and they want you to be able to have time for yourself and your family!
Enjoy the kidlets, they are game changers but so worth it. I understand myself. It is sometimes harder to get things done regularly based on their sleep, eat, play and sick schedule changes, but being their mom is what inspired anything else I do project wise and blog wise.
Hi Cassity,
I've been coming to your site for a few months now to see all the wonderful stuff that is posted here. You and those who help you put up posts are doing a WONDERFUL job! Easier said than done, but I'm going to say it anyway..."Quit fretting so much! We love you in all your Blogging Mommy-ness!" Now with that said, I'll tell you a little of my story of how I feel the same way you do. I was married, living the Army wife and step-mom life and loving every minute of it for 3 years before I had our son 5 wonderful years ago. By a God-Blessed mistake to be honest. I was happy with it being a "mistake" because neither of us would have planned having a child. God gave us what we needed, not what we wanted. Being a creative person that loves to immerse myself in my projects and get lost in them for a while as "me" time, and a go-getter when I am done procrastinating (LOL I know a little contradicting there but it's the way I work!) and constant mover and shaker I was bound and determined to keep as much of my life-style as possible. I seriously don't know even one little thing I accomplished in the first three years of my son's life. Not even getting my house fully cleaned, let alone a project. Not ONE little thing, other than making sure we were all fed and bathed and clothed. I certainly couldn't have worked a blog in there anywhere! As he got older, and after having what I like to call a mental breakdown, a few trips to the Chaplain for life and marriage counseling, and lots of help and encouragement from friends and family, I've been able to get my priorities in line again, add others, and make sure I absolutely get the me time I deserve to make myself feel whole. And every once in a while I'll have that "I've got everything balanced and good to go! Perfection!" and then something will happen to knock out the perfection and supermom feeling and it'll be a little rough getting one thing or the other done for a while and then it'll be back to the feeling accomplished and stuff like that again. Never-ending cycle! But I've learned to live with it, because otherwise life would be REALLY boring LOL. And don't get discouraged too much Cassity! At least you've put yourself out there, even if you don't think you are as consistent as you should be... you really have the help and support it seems to me! I've been told several times I should start my own blog... I can never seem to get up the gumption to do it, especially now that my son is in school and I really have no other excuse NOT to do a blog! Keep your chin up and whatever "extra" or "push" or even a word of encouragement, know that we, your followers, will be here to give it to you because we do know how you feel!
Cassity, At my church I co-lead a group we like to call "Moms to Moms." A couple times a month we meet, open the Word, pray, and talk. We talk about all the things you mentioned in your post. You're definitely not alone. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what your hand finds to do, and occasionally reevaluate those priorities - just like you're doing.
HI Cassity,
I totally feel your pain. You are completely normal! Every working mother struggles with these same issues, at least I do. I work 10 days in a row (at a busy hospital) with every other weekend off and I have a 4 year old and an almost two year old. We are also remodeling our yucky 70's house. I do what I can on my days off and night time, but there are days when the kids are home with me and I have to really resist the urge to be "working on the house" because the time I have with those guys is precious. One day my daughter said "mom why do you always do your projects, come color please!". That's when I decided that the walls can get painted later and my time with her is waaay more important. Next year she will be in kindergarten and I wont get those days off to just hang out and color. You will blink and your babies will be going to school so you are right to slow down and take time to hang out with them. The projects will get done in time, and while it's nice to be organized who really is with small children?? I know for a fact that any mother with small children could walk into your house on it's messiest day and totally relate.
PS.. my almost two year old is a very busy, destructive, fearless,and lovely little boy. Even if we wanted our house to "look nice" right now there's no way, maybe never.
I don't have kids. But I DO have a full-time job that I am trying really hard to get promoted in, which sometimes means unpredictable hours and often means I skip lunch to get it done. I also have a blog, and am well aware of how much it aches to want to get more done even though the hours simply aren't there. And then, there's the lack of motivation on some days, and the need to just do NOTHING sometimes.
And in the spring, I'm starting grad school WHILE I go to work. And I still plan on blogging. I'm pretty sure this is the moment when cartoons picture that whole tidal wave thing.
Balance is hard. It always will be. It teaches us what to prioritize and what matters to us most. As DIYers, it's not in our nature to simply take the easy route, and even if we had more time, I'm damn sure I'd still pack it so full I'd complain that I didn't have enough to do everything I wanted.
I hope you find comfort in that even though I don't have kids, or even a relationship that I have to work on, you're not alone in feeling this way. And you're amazing for being able to do so much. Celebrate what you CAN do. Everyone else is already showing you what you can't.
I also wanted to say that I see those same blogs about "having it all together", everything is perfect: kids, house, husband, etc...
I can usually get through a couple of posts and then lose interest and never read them again because I can't relate. It seems a little fake.
I like your blog because you have great ideas that I love and I like your real world posts. Life is not perfect!
Not long ago I read on another mom's blog "If you spend your days striving for a home that looks devoid of family life, you will quickly find yourself devoid of family life". I find these words helpful in my day to day.
Sweetie, you hit the nail on the head! I still feel the EXACT same way you do and my babies are 21, 20 and 16. The priority is and always will be kids, husband, and family first (just like you !) Hang in there. The days are long and the years are short.
I think your girls are probably at the hardest, busiest ages. I have four girls and just this past year has it started to get easier. Once the youngest one turned two, I could start to see daylight. Soon they will entertain themselves a little better, they will play a little safer, and you will have 10 minutes to take a shower! Just hang tight - it does get easier.
Thank you for sharing this. I'm a new blogger, and I'm already finding out how time consuming it is, and feeling pulled in too many directions - and my daughter is all grown up. I can tell you that it really is true that they grow up in the blink of an eye, and you are so right to make them your priority. Don't beat yourself up for feeling a little frustrated now and then, though - being a mom is definitely the toughest job you'll ever have (and love!).
Every moment of every day. I too had some issues with infertility, and I feel the same guilt when I get frustrated with my little man. He is so awesome and so tiring all at the same time!
My husband and I have been working hard to redo a ton of stuff in our house over the last year, and I would love to send you some stuff! Let me get some photos together!
I can completely relate. I have taken on a few new things in my life and I am having trouble getting my priorities straight. My poor Luci has to play by herself while I rush around trying to get everything done. This weekend I just took a step back and realized what I was doing to her... and myself. So, from here on out I am getting my priorities back in order. If the house is dirty or unfinished that is fine. Luci gets my first energy, not my half hearted tired end of the night energy. I make a concerted effort to really engage with her while she is awake. The rest can get done in time... and after she goes to bed. Less sleep happens, and honestly less work gets done, but at the end of the day I am happier. I think this will be a struggle that goes on forever.
I too struggled with infertility for almost 9 years before we were blessed with our little guy. He is 9 months now and I have never had so much love in my heart! I work from home full-time and have someone come in to watch him. There are days were my house is a MESS! I don't allow anyone upstairs because that's where I 'hide' all the messiness before someone comes over!
There's just not enough hours in the day to do everything. But, I am going to enjoy the here and now and love on my baby every chance I get, even if it means the house stays a mess!
I just wanted to say that I find your infertility success story inspiring. We have been trying for eight years now and are desperately trying to save for ivf.
perhaps i'm the only non-mom blogger her so far, but i cannot tell you how refreshing it was to read your post today. i follow a lot of blogs & mommy bloggers in particular who seem to have a never ending supply of ideas, inspiration & completed projects. i don't have children & yet i struggle to complete projects & post them consistently. so the minute i hit your last paragraph about being in " non-productive state, or period of my life", i actually breathed a sigh of relief. i've been struggling with that most of this year & maybe, that's just a place we all visit, kids or not! so i'm going to go out on a limb here & offer any of my seems-like-it-will-never-be-done-kitchen-remodel pics/post when you need some filler from someone else struggling with productivity! http://blondemafia.blogspot.com/search/label/kitchen%20remodel
Cassity, your have your priorities straight. Being a mom is the highest calling. Sometimes (often for me) the house is a cluttered chaos but the one on one time with children is there and that is what holds our home together! I can clean and organize my brains out only to have it undone. The work I do with my children doesn't "undo"!
I love following your blog and hearing from you but I totally support you in answering the higher call first!
I absolutely hear you! Laundry, dishes, dinner, they just get in the way sometimes! Not to mention eating, sleeping and grocery shopping. I'm married and have two girls. I'm going to school an hour away 16 hours a week. I don't have infertility, but my kids come into this world way too early because I get preeclampsia. It's an age old battle between what we think should happen and what actually does. It's helps me to think that this time of life will be over before I know it and it's ok if there is a mess sometimes. It's a great test of finding where your limits are and finding if your sacrifices justify the reward. Thanks for keeping it real in blog land. Some bloggers make this look to easy and it's not. Keep up the good work!
Every day of my boy-filled life...
Blogs are fun and even money makers, but kids are where it's at. I have six and although the youngest is now 6 and the oldest a Senior, they still take a lot of my time and often all my emotional energy. Some days I wonder what am I doing, but I know that all my time and energy is being best spent for them. I know I've put lots of my dreams and wants on hold and don't get much in the way of thank yous. But from one mother to another you are doing awesome. Take all the time you need to take care of them first, all too soon they will be grown up.
Cassity: In reading your post, I had a flashback to when our second child joined our family. I was so tired--it was as if his arrival quadrupled the work! It feels like yesterday, but it was more than 27 years ago. Nobody from my past will tell you I was a great housekeeper (actually, nobody from my present will either!), but my kids were happy and healthy and grown before I knew it!
Absolutely! I think (hope?) most mums do. I have a three year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I am only just feeling like I'm getting into some sort of routine. And only just getting my house a little cleaner. But it is still far from perfect. I have asked for a lot of help since number two. People seem to think that you know what you're doing by no. 2 but it was way harder for me anyway.
I had to deal with terrible twos, potty training, breast feeding, a newborn who wouldn't sleep and he didn't until about 14 months! It's okay to not feel on top of it. I still don't. But I just try to find small victories every day and tel my husband about it. 'I got some ironing done today' or 'I managed to get Ethan down for a nap without rocking him!' or whatever you can find (maybe the floor?
that's always a bonus if we can!)
You do fantastic. We don;t do any remodeling but still find it hard. You are a good mum because your priorities are right. You know your kids need you and you give them that time, but still make sure you have time for yourself. You have to!
Sorry for the very long comment, your post just struck a cord with me!
Nothing is more important than your precious babies right now, and I'm sure TONS of people would love the chance to guest post on your blog. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and your family, the rest will work itself out!
You are doing the most important job of all - raising two beautiful little girls. Enjoy them while they are little and love to be with you. So what if your house gets messy and projects don't get done as quickly as you'd like, there will always be projects and messes
You are probably way harder on yourself than anyone else is. Relax and enjoy!
I am in the South Island of New Zealand - many, many miles from you but the story is the same! Mothers are coping with the same issues everywhere.
My eldest is 26 and the youngest is 15. It started when the first was born and it hasnt changed since. LOL Always chasing my tail and then I remember to enjoy them first, then so I dont go completely bonkers sometimes put all else on hold to have a clean and tidy house then back to the rollercoaster of sometimes getting renovating or other projects done. I haven't been near my blog in months. Welcome to the REAL world. Love everything you post but happy for it to take a back seat to life. All the best and enjoy those girls.
Having my second child was the toughest transition for me. Three and four were much easier.
That being said, unfortunately guilt comes with being a mom. I'm not sure why we all go there, but we do. We all compare our worst faults with someone's best strengths.
Snuggle those babies you worked so hard for and waited so long for. You will never regret any time you spend with them.
The fact that you are even having this conflict attests to the strength you have as a mom and just how incredible you are at it.
Keep it up!!!
I understand how you're feeling. We have 4 children (one adopted because we struggled with infertility too) and one baby due in January. We've been trying to fix up a house we bought a year ago and everything takes forever to get done. I'm more unorganized than ever before in my life and it drives me nuts. Before kids it seemed like I could accomplish so much and had my life and house nicely organized. It's a tough adjustment, but I try to remind myself that the kids are my full-time job right now and that it's harder to measure what I accomplish each day with them because the before and after pictures are 18 years in the making.
Cassity, As I'm sure you've picked up from all your other comments, you are not alone! We ALL have more to do than what can possibly fit into a day. We are ALL overwhelmed, thinking others have it all together while we scramble and fret and always seem to come up short. And frankly, we are ALL in this together. So let me offer my guest writing services. I blog over at livingrichonless.com. If you need some "filler," I'd be happy to oblige. Tomorrow, I'll be posting about a lighting project that is (finally) finished in my kitchen. And I just posted yesterday some tips on how to cheat at cleaning. If any of these topics interest you, let me know.
I so get what you are saying! I also have two daughters (4 & 2) and actually they play wonderfully together (well for the most part...there are screams every so often...and somedays all the time) and I can do projects. But then if I do (and get caught up in the projects) I immediately feel guilty for working on projects and not just hanging out with these two wonderfully goofy and funny people that I have the honor of being a mom to. I have been going back and forth on what to do and how to have the best of both worlds until recently. I've decided that I need to do projects less (even though it is going to be so hard to carry out that goal) and spend more time just being with them because 10 or 15 years from now I'm not going to care about my memories of what the color of paint on my walls was or if my house looked like the amazing picture I had in my head, but I sure as heck am going to about my memories of my girls. I am in no means trying to tell you what to do (I totally hate when people do that) - just what works for me and that you are not alone! I hope everything works out for you and if you somehow find the magic way to have the best of both worlds - please share
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Love your babies with all your heart and spend as much time with them as you can stomach. You will blink and they will be all grown up...truly. The days are long but the years are short.
I had a really hard time in the toddler years because I am very neat and organized...and suddenly, the house never was. I came to realize that it was a successful day if both my kids and I were still alive at the end of the day. Truly, the house can wait. Now is all the time you have. Use it wisely.
I needed to hear someone else say this, especially today. I have two kids, my youngest is 2 1/2 and honestly I just now feel like things are getting a little easier. And I feel like I BARELY have it together at all most days. And they keep growing up so fast, it's truly hard to manage it all. Best of luck in trying to find something that works, love your blog.
I hear ya sister!! I'm in the exact same boat as you...overwhelmed...often unmotivated for longer than one day...desperate to record and remember every breath my kids take but also wanting to have a house that I can be proud of a dinners that are not from a box! I think that this will always be a struggle while our kids are young. When we look in the mirror and our make up is done and we've showered and were rested...those are gonna be the days when our kids are grown and were wishing for these times back! Good luck lady...you are in good company!
Cass...I do not know what you are feeling because I have not been blessed in that way. But, I do know that I have come to a point in my life that if I had the opportunity to have a child, I would drop everything and I mean everything to be a mom. I used to think I would be a working mom and conquer the world, but now, I just want to be a mom. That is all and at the same time one of the greatest and most wonderful things in the world. Simple yet amazing. I think you are normal in finding that balance. It is so difficult, but it is your life. Or as the men at work say...you destiny. This was part of your plan. Now, use that agency and do what you feel is best. I love you and the little monkeys so much. I love adorable Justin too. Big kisses my friend. I always play Bob Marley for my students when they get stressed...."Don't worry about a thing, cuz every little thing's gonna be alright..." Trust me....it helps. You won't get it outta your head. Love you. I cannot wait to see you in almost a month. SO excited.
Love Jenn
Oh man, we are ALL in your boat I think!!! Finally I have my youngest in one day a week preschool and I get all giddy that day and splurge on a coffee and act all cool going into stores actually able to "shop" without someone telling me they have to go potty! Every season of our life has it's ups and downs and I say, let's just try to enjoy them all! No need to put pressure on yourself - you really do so much and shouldn't be so hard on yourself!!!
I know you don't know me from Adam. I just stumbled upon your site the other week and I'm new to this whole blogging experience (love your blog by the way!). BUT, I must say, THANK YOU for this post. I'm a new mom, in a new city, hundreds of miles from my family and old friends. Talk about feeling lonely. I'm struggling with the whole unproductive thoughts too and, like you, have come to the realization lately that time is fleeting. We will never get the hours back. So I say, enjoy them immensely and love your girls with all you've got. Don't worry about the dirty dishes or the piles of laundry. All the "stuff" just reminds us... we're blessed beyond measure. Thank you again
you, my dear, need to close your mind to the blog and the mess and lay around with those beautiful girls. it may not be easy the first few days, but it will grow on you. quickly! i, too, suffered through infertility and remember the pain like it was yesterday...and feel guilty for telling my children to "hold on", to "wait a minute", to "shhh!". but you are human....we are all human and complex. you can have this blog and enjoy those babies! yes, your house may be a mess and dinner might come out of a box BUT it can work! go for the features!! use the following you have built to get you through this challenging time until you have the energy to focus on your own projects again.
we all love your blog and your projects but...no offense...i'm not saying, "what the heck is she doing, that lazy bum?"
take care of your family. and your self!! and enjoy!!!
amy (i'll be sending you some features!!)
I am reading your post, and many of the comments, and just sitting here crying. I didn't struggle with infertility. I don't have a "job" outside of being mommy. I did spend most of my life being sure that when I had children I would be supermom because I wanted those babies so badly. Reality is a little hard to adjust to at times right?
I feel like every day all day I have to remind myself that this is all I get. These days when they are little and need me so much are the most precious days. And like you said, you want to get things done too (whatever those things may be). You want to do them because you need some part of you to still be thriving WHILE being mom. I say pat yourself on the back for being the the best mom you can be! And for having a wildly popular and fantastic blog at the same time!
I feel for you! It is soo hard when they are both little mine are 13 and 15 (2 girls too) and now they help clean and sometimes make their own dinner! I remember when they were newborn and 2 and 1 and 3 and 2 and 4 and let me tell you I didn't stop moving until 9:30 at night for a couple of years. I worked part time and took care of them and that was enough. I can't imagine trying to run a blog at the same time! You are doing great. Your blog is one of my favorites. Take the time you need to take care of your babies. We will be here when you are ready! In the meantime we can stay busy reading your older posts. Maybe you could re-post old favorites, for those of us who only started following you recently. Just a thought. The majority of us are moms too and we know what it is like. Take care and Happy Holidays!
Oh, I remember those days of cloth diapers (by choice) and puke and feeling I'm a loser mom because I didn't do the clean-up song or sing wheels on the bus with them (I still don't know the clean-up song past the first line and I really don't care that I don't sing it at work).
You know for sure that you're not alone, and I'm going to ask, do you have at least one friend or a friend you haven't gotten to know that you could trade babysitting with? When #4 (a girl)vcame along (5yrs after third son) I traded time with a new mom of 1--she felt bad because it was so lopsided, I rarely used her. Why did I do this? Because I DIDN'T when my sons were at the stage you are at. Nothing really regular except my monthly women's church night, but nothing during the day that I did for just me. This mom went to Toastmasters-that sort of "for me" time.
I was a stay at home mom whose hubby went to school during the day and worked evenings-I was essentially raising the boys by myself. I believe every mom needs to get out of the house & do something SHE wants to do (& no, grocery shopping doesn't cut it), at least twice a month, be it volunteer, school or work.
Hang in there and know that you will be blessed for the work you are doing with your children. Don't shy away from projects, I actually did more when my boys were little than after they went to school. Do your projects-I painted walls and stripped hardwood after bedtime (7-8pm). Give them your time, but it doesn't have to be every single minute of their wake time...give them the opportunity to develop their own play skills. Of course be aware of what they're doing and where they are--no long hot bubble baths while they have the run of the house! Do simple projects while they're playing nearby, I used to prep the house for painting while they were awake. Teach them to be safe & respectful around power & other tools. It will be their normal. And be the richer for it.
from a former SAHM now empty nester who would do it all over again....
Libby! These are wonderful thoughts! I am really working on allowing them to play unassisted. Sometimes I feel bad about that when I see how some moms seem to spend every waking hour entertaining their kids in fun and educational ways, but i know I just can't do that! Thanks for the support it is good to hear survival stories and all the hints that you learned THANK YOU!