Reality Check… Blogger Mom Style.
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You all probably get sick of my inconsistency with blogging, and I apologize. I kinda wanted to just chat about that subject, since it has been on my mind a lot lately, not a clear train of thought by any means, just a bunch of mumbo jumbo that has been swimming in my brain for weeks!
Since we finished the project for our family room, which nearly killed us to finish, on a schedule…. I have been struggling to catch up. Because NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING else happened in those 4 weeks, no cooking, no cleaning, the least amount of dishes and only a few showers. It was like a bomb went off in the house, nothing is in it rightful place, and not a second to do anything but get the project done, just barely. We literally recorded the video at 1:00 am the night before we went to Utah for my sister-in-laws wedding. To top it off all that beautiful storage, is just a closed door mess right now, which just makes my mind crazy.
But moving on- as a blogger, I have weeks of total, commitment, where everything aligns and I get a ton of stuff done. Then inevitably the next week, nothing works out, I have no energy, I get discouraged, then I get lazy and nothing gets done til my inbox is literally teeming with mail. The cycle starts again.
Lately though, all around me it seems, that I keep seeing all these posts, talking about how they (meaning other bloggers) have finally got it all under control- all balanced and skinny and beautiful… and my inner dialogue pops up saying, “What in the heck is wrong with me?! ****” . I have always prided myself on what I could get done, and well, that has just changed.
For the first time in my life, I am not really in charge of my schedule. These two little people are. Night and day they rule what I get done and what I don’t. Sleep or not. With one, it was SO much easier, with two- it is well -harder. Especially for me, maybe not for someone else, but definitely for me.
And not getting anything done but “Surviving” ( they should make a t.v. show about it) can be really hard and super frustrating when you like to be busy with big projects like me. It is hard not to be frustrated when things don’t get done for weeks and weeks and months and dare I say the y word (year). Then to add insult to injury, daily my email subscriptions bombard me with all the things I should be able to get done with two kids and I desperately want to get more done. But, even when I do get things done, I don’t have enough free time to post about it. What gives?
One thing not many of you may know, is that I struggled for 8 long years with infertility. Waiting for these kidlets to decide to come to me was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. All I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, I’ve been talking about it since I was two. To have my own little baby (plus a few more hopefully) in my life. Adoption was out of our reach financially, as well as medically exploring what the problems were. It was the worst kind of dead end. And a really hard struggle.
So now, that I have them, my lovely little daughters, I feel like I need to not be frustrated when they take short naps, that are overlapping so that mom can’t shower or feed herself or workout or make dinner or just sit on Pinterest for 5 minutes alone in my thoughts… overall, I feel like I need to get my priorities a little straighter. And that is where I am right now, now revelation, about being in control.
I don’t’ have everything figured out. And this last week including right now, all I have wanted to do is clean my house, and not be answering email, or writing project posts. And my house is almost, getting to the point where I feel like I can actually organize anything, or walk without tripping over STUFF junk which has taken a lot of help and work… for days (when my house gets messy, I really mean messy, not just un-straightened)
So anyway, while I feel really alone in this, non-productive state, or period of my life- I know I am not the only one. So, maybe one of you will know how I am feeling?!? And I hope that while I am figuring things out that you will bear with me. I may have to feature a few other people’s wonderful dreamy projects a little more often (please send them in! PLEASE!) and write as I can. But I don’t want to regret not spending time with my daughters. I don’t want to be so distracted with building and decorating the perfect home that my children, get lost in the rubble.
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What do you think? Are any of you feeling this way?
hiya Cassity,
just wanted to say – you are absolutely human!! and real…and amazing!!!
life with kidlettes – especially little ones – is flippin hard. don’t let anyone make you think otherwise.
AND – they grow up way too fast – so you just be content with loving them and amazing over them every single minute you can. that’s the most important job you can EVER do. and if the house looks like a bomb has hit – that’s fine. that’s normal – that’s the way it’s supposed to be.
I have a quote I found on Pinterest – “good moms have sticky floors, dirty ovens, and happy kids”- stuck onto my notice board. It’s my mantra – I read it daily!!!!
great post! most peoples should be real like this.
hugz to you from way down here in oz.
cheryl xox.
Of course we are feeling the same! Every mom wants to be able to control all the things that surround her in perfection… but that isn’t always possible! And there it is when you start feeling guilt. Well don’t you worry at all! It’s an absolute normal feeling. You will see that when your youngest reaches the age of 4, things will be much easier for the whole family. Oh and something else…. of course we are going to bear with you. Keep up the good work on everything you do!
Love, Olga
http://www.stardust-decorstyle.blogspot.com
Thank you for bearing with me! I love doing this blogging job. I just hope that someday, I can grow up to be super woman! But for now, I will just be happy(or try to learn how to be happy) with what I can do!
Hi there, I am sure you will get many comments telling you that you are not the only one! I wanted to chime in because we have similar thoughts. I now have 5 boys (I had 4 for the price of 1 ;)) I struggled with infertility for YEARS and while I don’t think that is the only way to be wanting to savor your children’s early years, I do believe it makes you really aware of it. The fact that it could never have been and all the years you thought it wouldn’t be. I also feel like God entrusted them to me and often think about what I want them to remember. Finding balance and rhythm can happen, but life happens too. As you said one week goes smoothly, but the next maybe the kids get sick or you do, or everything you put on hold for the projects now can hold no longer.
Beautiful post and I have no idea who can do it all truly. Maybe that definition is different by person too. For me, I am just too honest with myself to know when I am putting too much emphasis on what I know is not the right thing at this time.
Thank you so much for saying this!
{michelle}
Two for the price of one sound great but HARD! I agree with what you are saying about being hyper aware. Thanks for your support! IT is really nice to hear the I am not the only one!
I’ve only got one little one and it’s hard enough to keep everything together–I can’t imagine having two! (yet) I have a feeling that all those bloggers saying they finally have it together will only feel that way for a short while, especially if they’re moms. I’ve only felt on top of things periodically, and when I do I do a little dance in my kitchen. Most of the time, though, I’m chasing a little boy around, thinking of all the things I need to get done that I haven’t. But we’ll “get there” one day, right?
Sorry for rambling…I loved this post!
I hear ya, about being on top of things randomly… now I just need the extra patience to push through the other times…
Seriously?! What are you doing rummaging around inside my head? I honestly feel like you just took everything that I think and feel 90% of the time and put it into a post! I could copy and paste this to my blog (the one I haven’t posted to in probably 2 weeks!) and most of it would be true to me! You are not alone and while I hate to know you feel this way too, I’m glad to know I’m not alone either! 🙂
Hey Cassity, I think you’re having a completely normal struggle, and working mom’s definitely have it too. We spend too little time with our young ones, but it doesn’t mean that we don’t have our own desires for our free time. I don’t know what your whole situation is, but have you thought about hiring a babysitter for maybe one day a week or a just a couple hours here and there? Sometimes I have to remind myself that it’s not how much time I spend, but the quality of time I spend, so rather than trying to multi-task everything, you could set aside one day a week or a few hours a day to clean or do projects or blog, so the time you do have with them you’re not distracted. Just a thought….being a mommy is tough, and we all have mommy guilt!
I have the same feelings about raising kids and “getting lost” in the “getting done” of life.
It’s helped me to think of it “all” in seasons – each season during the year, we’re busy with different parts of life – there are really productive times where we accomplish a lot – and also there are times to sit back and think (because that step IS really crucial to our creativity!). Through all of it is the need to REMEMBER to REMEMBER where we “are” – esp as parents – we really do get one shot at creating their childhood and looking at life through our children’s eyes – at their level – is vital to them!
Apply the “seasons” to your week – take some time for your children and for yourself- without guilt!
I know exactly what you mean! Last week I posted almost everyday, and this week, I haven’t wrote one post…You’re not the only one that gets discouraged, I struggle with it too. There are many times where I wonder if blogging is worth it all and then there’s other times where I enjoy it. Just continue being a wonderful momma and let blogging come as it does. That’s what I try to do!
You are not alone! I’m not skinny, broke as a joke, and barely anyone reads my blog and I could desperately use a sponsor (one income is TOUGH). I wish for success like yours. I’m home with a (just turned) three year old and 6 month old. Getting out of the house is a 2 hour affair. Juggling it all is a lot, but I feel like I literally have the best job on earth (mom). You will hit your stride and find your balance. I don’t know who all these skinny, pulled together bloggers are, but I sure would like to be one of them! (haha). I hope venting helps you feel better and you find the support you were looking for.
Of course we understand! I don’t think anyone really has it all together. I know I’ve pushed the clutter out of the picture frame when taking a pic for a post, then had to go back and crop it a bit closer, because there’s still a dirty sock in the corner of the pic. Life is messy, and life with kids is messier.
Surviving has been my motto for the past year or so. I get a few days of inspiration here and there, but mostly life is about cleaning and keeping up with three growing boys! I totally get where you are coming from:)
You’re not alone. I could write a book on this subject. My youngest is now 13, almost 14. I had 4 little ones at home and I struggled with depression throughout most of their early years. Like you, I like to be busy, but when you add the layer of depression on your life that makes even the most basic of tasks insurmountable, your perception of what a project is changes. For me, some days getting a load of laundry finished was the biggest project I could take on. I’ve ended up being truly grateful for those years of depression. They made me sit still and by being still, I got to spend time with my children that I would not have taken advantage of had I been more capable.
Today, my depression is mostly in check, but I do have energy surges that make it so that it’s hard to do everything I want to do and think that I should be able to do. Recognizing your limits and finding joy in the accomplishments you do make is a good start. Today, I got the dishes done. Dishes that sat all weekend long because I was busy with projects. I don’t feel good today, but I got those dishes done. If I accomplish nothing else today, it’s okay by me because, Woo Hoo, I now have clean dishes once again.
Hang in there. While it doesn’t seem like it now, they are only small for such a short time. Enjoy those moments.
Cassity, I think in our culture of extreme BUSY-NESS, that there is no-one that is not touched by these seasons of chaos. You are @ least stopping to see this pattern before your girls are in school, in college, or out of the house & it’s too late. Everyday is a new day! A new opportunity to make memories that will last a lifetime.
I too want the perfect home, I am a new blogger trying to find my way, but most of all I am a mama of the sweetest 9 year old that ever breathed on this planet! I waited 14 yrs for her & didn’t know how I was going to handle her going to school. Someday’s I’m productive & someday’s I just want to home-school her & squeeze her all day long! You inspire so many people on your fabulous blog, but your most impacting inspiration is influencing your daughters! Keep blogging, remodeling & inspiring, and being a great mom, BUT most of all keep peace in your life. Take a deep breath & enjoy your day… kiss your kids & do your dishes. Make them laugh& laugh along with them, then throw in a load of laundry. Put yourself in a time-out today too – even just 5 minutes all to yourself. Sorry for rambling on… I’m gonna stop right here! Blessings to you on this wonderful day!
Maybe one of us will know how you’re feeling? How about all of us? I don’t believe there’s even one mom out there who hasn’t stood exactly where you stand, who hasn’t felt exactly how you feel. I think sometimes we moms are really just kids in the candy store. Every choice is so appealing, so satisfying, that we make the mistake of wanting it all. We’d never allow our kids to have everything in the store, so why do we allow ourselves? We have to establish priorities, decide what’s really really important to us, and focus on those things. It means letting go of some stuff (gasp!), lowering some standards (gasp squared!!), and asking for help (gasp cubed!!!). Because in ten years it won’t matter if our kitchen floors were mopped when the neighbor dropped by, if the family ate sandwiches and soup (from a can!) for dinner, if the clean clothes sat in the laundry basket for two weeks until every piece had been worn without being folded. But in ten years the time we give our children, our spouses, our health, our dreams and passions will matter…a lot. Finding balance isn’t about having it all, it’s about having what matters most to us and peacefully letting go of the rest.
Wow! This is really well written, and it makes so much sense! You are absolutely right. i will be thinking about this for sure!
I’m sure you will hear many tell you this, but you are not alone. I did not adjust to having two children quickly at all. I felt terribly overwhelmed. But every day got a little easier and I found a little more time for myself. I might never have it all together, but I’m learning how to prioritize and also how to let it be. Hang in there.
totally!!!!! im recently divorced with a 14 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. they are both having trouble dealing with the split. and i feel the overwhelming sense of unorganization and energy. im constantly praying for patience with them as they act out in their own ways, for patience and forgiveness within myself, and for grace to handle this all with a level head. and its hard, and i feel like im failing most of the time. but i just do what i can, let some things go, and realize i dont have time to do things for me bc i have to focus on them more than ever. i feel ya!!!
Ira lee, I am sure you are doing a great job! keep it up! You’ve got your priorities straight just keep it up!!
You can’t do much when you’ve got little babies. It is easier with one, but once you’ve got 2 or 3, forget it.
Once those kids are in school watch out — totally different. But you have to wait. These years are the hardest but they won’t come again.
I literally just took down my Halloween decor. I am thinking that I will just wait a week and go straight to Christmas.
As someone who also struggled with infertility let me also say this: my oldest is graduating from college this spring. I am not sure how this happened as she was JUST a babe in arms. The projects can wait. Childhood can’t.
agreed!
Of course we will be patient and stick with you! I too struggled with infertility and then even when I did get preggo, I would lose them early on. I do have to say “Kuddos” to you for just waiting til God was ready to give you children. We eventually had a healthy boy and then adopted (through foster care) a little girl. My belief is that you have to put your family first. You were entrusted with those little angels and like you, I believe that they are my first priority. But dont worry, you are doing a fantastic job and I LOVE your blog. And everyone needs some time off, so take some family time. By the way, your girlies are beautiful.
PS- Foster care adoption is a great alternative for those who struggle with infertility. And there are so many little ones out there that need a loving home!
Joy, We actually did start the foster classes while we were in North Carolina. The people running the class were NOT nice or supportive in any way. So we had a hard time, but I am still considering this option in the future! I think it is a wonderful option! Thanks for letting us know your story too!
Cassity….After reading your post this morning, I think I would rename this posting as ” A Moment of Clarity “! I am a stay at home wife…(kids grown and gone) and I still struggle with all the daily “stuff” wifey poos do. I used to clean like a mad woman..wanting everything perfect….well…life is not perfect. I have at times followed a blog and after awhile…deleted it..because they are not being real! Those babies are your world..not us…your blog is an invitation into your home..not a magazine…your projects are yours…and the time table is yours…not ours. God bless you and your family. Enjoy the upcoming holidays…and when you can..blog away…if you can’t…we will still be here for you:)