Reality Check… Blogger Mom Style.
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You all probably get sick of my inconsistency with blogging, and I apologize. I kinda wanted to just chat about that subject, since it has been on my mind a lot lately, not a clear train of thought by any means, just a bunch of mumbo jumbo that has been swimming in my brain for weeks!
Since we finished the project for our family room, which nearly killed us to finish, on a schedule…. I have been struggling to catch up. Because NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING else happened in those 4 weeks, no cooking, no cleaning, the least amount of dishes and only a few showers. It was like a bomb went off in the house, nothing is in it rightful place, and not a second to do anything but get the project done, just barely. We literally recorded the video at 1:00 am the night before we went to Utah for my sister-in-laws wedding. To top it off all that beautiful storage, is just a closed door mess right now, which just makes my mind crazy.
But moving on- as a blogger, I have weeks of total, commitment, where everything aligns and I get a ton of stuff done. Then inevitably the next week, nothing works out, I have no energy, I get discouraged, then I get lazy and nothing gets done til my inbox is literally teeming with mail. The cycle starts again.
Lately though, all around me it seems, that I keep seeing all these posts, talking about how they (meaning other bloggers) have finally got it all under control- all balanced and skinny and beautiful… and my inner dialogue pops up saying, “What in the heck is wrong with me?! ****” . I have always prided myself on what I could get done, and well, that has just changed.
For the first time in my life, I am not really in charge of my schedule. These two little people are. Night and day they rule what I get done and what I don’t. Sleep or not. With one, it was SO much easier, with two- it is well -harder. Especially for me, maybe not for someone else, but definitely for me.
And not getting anything done but “Surviving” ( they should make a t.v. show about it) can be really hard and super frustrating when you like to be busy with big projects like me. It is hard not to be frustrated when things don’t get done for weeks and weeks and months and dare I say the y word (year). Then to add insult to injury, daily my email subscriptions bombard me with all the things I should be able to get done with two kids and I desperately want to get more done. But, even when I do get things done, I don’t have enough free time to post about it. What gives?
One thing not many of you may know, is that I struggled for 8 long years with infertility. Waiting for these kidlets to decide to come to me was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. All I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, I’ve been talking about it since I was two. To have my own little baby (plus a few more hopefully) in my life. Adoption was out of our reach financially, as well as medically exploring what the problems were. It was the worst kind of dead end. And a really hard struggle.
So now, that I have them, my lovely little daughters, I feel like I need to not be frustrated when they take short naps, that are overlapping so that mom can’t shower or feed herself or workout or make dinner or just sit on Pinterest for 5 minutes alone in my thoughts… overall, I feel like I need to get my priorities a little straighter. And that is where I am right now, now revelation, about being in control.
I don’t’ have everything figured out. And this last week including right now, all I have wanted to do is clean my house, and not be answering email, or writing project posts. And my house is almost, getting to the point where I feel like I can actually organize anything, or walk without tripping over STUFF junk which has taken a lot of help and work… for days (when my house gets messy, I really mean messy, not just un-straightened)
So anyway, while I feel really alone in this, non-productive state, or period of my life- I know I am not the only one. So, maybe one of you will know how I am feeling?!? And I hope that while I am figuring things out that you will bear with me. I may have to feature a few other people’s wonderful dreamy projects a little more often (please send them in! PLEASE!) and write as I can. But I don’t want to regret not spending time with my daughters. I don’t want to be so distracted with building and decorating the perfect home that my children, get lost in the rubble.
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What do you think? Are any of you feeling this way?
Yes, I totally get how you feel! That’s why I haven’t blogged in months. I decided to be a stay at home mom so I could be home with my kids. Not so I could spend hours on the computer blogging or doing crafts to blog about. They will soon be grown and I will have plenty of time for those things. I don’t think I will ever look back on these years and say “I sure wish I’d spent more time blogging/crafting.” But I know I would regret it if I didn’t spend this precious time with my children. It’s all about finding balance in your life and I’m sure you will find what works best for you and your family.
Hi Cassity – I’m a mom of 3 with an infinite list of projects to complete, a constant stream of dirty dishes, and a laundry pile big enough for my kiddos to jump in! Just when I feel like I’ve taken care of 1 item on my list, 2 others have spun out of control. It never ends! I hope you and your husband know that everything you have accomplished is incredible. That’s why people read your blog. It is hard to be a mom and get ANYTHING done. You may not feel this way, but you are inspiring. Your girls are really little right now. It will get easier as they get older (and they grow so fast!) It’s hard to remember that no one expects us to be perfect. We just hug those little ones tight and do the best we can each day. =) – I love the new look of your blog, btw! –
I’ve felt like that at different stages with our daughter and we’re about to have a little boy. It’s hard when you feel like you are barely getting anything done and you feel like you’re letting everyone down at least a little…and not getting time to do the things you would personally like to do. Just don’t be too hard on yourself. Things will eventually get done and your kids are just happy to be with you. None of us can get it all done and different stages with the kids are harder than others. They won’t always be little so try to enjoy the time without putting so many expectations on yourself. Your readers love you and your blog and they want you to be able to have time for yourself and your family!
Enjoy the kidlets, they are game changers but so worth it. I understand myself. It is sometimes harder to get things done regularly based on their sleep, eat, play and sick schedule changes, but being their mom is what inspired anything else I do project wise and blog wise.
Hi Cassity,
I’ve been coming to your site for a few months now to see all the wonderful stuff that is posted here. You and those who help you put up posts are doing a WONDERFUL job! Easier said than done, but I’m going to say it anyway…”Quit fretting so much! We love you in all your Blogging Mommy-ness!” Now with that said, I’ll tell you a little of my story of how I feel the same way you do. I was married, living the Army wife and step-mom life and loving every minute of it for 3 years before I had our son 5 wonderful years ago. By a God-Blessed mistake to be honest. I was happy with it being a “mistake” because neither of us would have planned having a child. God gave us what we needed, not what we wanted. Being a creative person that loves to immerse myself in my projects and get lost in them for a while as “me” time, and a go-getter when I am done procrastinating (LOL I know a little contradicting there but it’s the way I work!) and constant mover and shaker I was bound and determined to keep as much of my life-style as possible. I seriously don’t know even one little thing I accomplished in the first three years of my son’s life. Not even getting my house fully cleaned, let alone a project. Not ONE little thing, other than making sure we were all fed and bathed and clothed. I certainly couldn’t have worked a blog in there anywhere! As he got older, and after having what I like to call a mental breakdown, a few trips to the Chaplain for life and marriage counseling, and lots of help and encouragement from friends and family, I’ve been able to get my priorities in line again, add others, and make sure I absolutely get the me time I deserve to make myself feel whole. And every once in a while I’ll have that “I’ve got everything balanced and good to go! Perfection!” and then something will happen to knock out the perfection and supermom feeling and it’ll be a little rough getting one thing or the other done for a while and then it’ll be back to the feeling accomplished and stuff like that again. Never-ending cycle! But I’ve learned to live with it, because otherwise life would be REALLY boring LOL. And don’t get discouraged too much Cassity! At least you’ve put yourself out there, even if you don’t think you are as consistent as you should be… you really have the help and support it seems to me! I’ve been told several times I should start my own blog… I can never seem to get up the gumption to do it, especially now that my son is in school and I really have no other excuse NOT to do a blog! Keep your chin up and whatever “extra” or “push” or even a word of encouragement, know that we, your followers, will be here to give it to you because we do know how you feel!
Cassity, At my church I co-lead a group we like to call “Moms to Moms.” A couple times a month we meet, open the Word, pray, and talk. We talk about all the things you mentioned in your post. You’re definitely not alone. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, do what your hand finds to do, and occasionally reevaluate those priorities – just like you’re doing. 🙂
HI Cassity,
I totally feel your pain. You are completely normal! Every working mother struggles with these same issues, at least I do. I work 10 days in a row (at a busy hospital) with every other weekend off and I have a 4 year old and an almost two year old. We are also remodeling our yucky 70’s house. I do what I can on my days off and night time, but there are days when the kids are home with me and I have to really resist the urge to be “working on the house” because the time I have with those guys is precious. One day my daughter said “mom why do you always do your projects, come color please!”. That’s when I decided that the walls can get painted later and my time with her is waaay more important. Next year she will be in kindergarten and I wont get those days off to just hang out and color. You will blink and your babies will be going to school so you are right to slow down and take time to hang out with them. The projects will get done in time, and while it’s nice to be organized who really is with small children?? I know for a fact that any mother with small children could walk into your house on it’s messiest day and totally relate.
PS.. my almost two year old is a very busy, destructive, fearless,and lovely little boy. Even if we wanted our house to “look nice” right now there’s no way, maybe never.
I don’t have kids. But I DO have a full-time job that I am trying really hard to get promoted in, which sometimes means unpredictable hours and often means I skip lunch to get it done. I also have a blog, and am well aware of how much it aches to want to get more done even though the hours simply aren’t there. And then, there’s the lack of motivation on some days, and the need to just do NOTHING sometimes.
And in the spring, I’m starting grad school WHILE I go to work. And I still plan on blogging. I’m pretty sure this is the moment when cartoons picture that whole tidal wave thing.
Balance is hard. It always will be. It teaches us what to prioritize and what matters to us most. As DIYers, it’s not in our nature to simply take the easy route, and even if we had more time, I’m damn sure I’d still pack it so full I’d complain that I didn’t have enough to do everything I wanted.
I hope you find comfort in that even though I don’t have kids, or even a relationship that I have to work on, you’re not alone in feeling this way. And you’re amazing for being able to do so much. Celebrate what you CAN do. Everyone else is already showing you what you can’t.
I also wanted to say that I see those same blogs about “having it all together”, everything is perfect: kids, house, husband, etc…
I can usually get through a couple of posts and then lose interest and never read them again because I can’t relate. It seems a little fake.
I like your blog because you have great ideas that I love and I like your real world posts. Life is not perfect!
Not long ago I read on another mom’s blog “If you spend your days striving for a home that looks devoid of family life, you will quickly find yourself devoid of family life”. I find these words helpful in my day to day.
Sweetie, you hit the nail on the head! I still feel the EXACT same way you do and my babies are 21, 20 and 16. The priority is and always will be kids, husband, and family first (just like you !) Hang in there. The days are long and the years are short.
I think your girls are probably at the hardest, busiest ages. I have four girls and just this past year has it started to get easier. Once the youngest one turned two, I could start to see daylight. Soon they will entertain themselves a little better, they will play a little safer, and you will have 10 minutes to take a shower! Just hang tight – it does get easier.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m a new blogger, and I’m already finding out how time consuming it is, and feeling pulled in too many directions – and my daughter is all grown up. I can tell you that it really is true that they grow up in the blink of an eye, and you are so right to make them your priority. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling a little frustrated now and then, though – being a mom is definitely the toughest job you’ll ever have (and love!).
Every moment of every day. I too had some issues with infertility, and I feel the same guilt when I get frustrated with my little man. He is so awesome and so tiring all at the same time!
My husband and I have been working hard to redo a ton of stuff in our house over the last year, and I would love to send you some stuff! Let me get some photos together!
I can completely relate. I have taken on a few new things in my life and I am having trouble getting my priorities straight. My poor Luci has to play by herself while I rush around trying to get everything done. This weekend I just took a step back and realized what I was doing to her… and myself. So, from here on out I am getting my priorities back in order. If the house is dirty or unfinished that is fine. Luci gets my first energy, not my half hearted tired end of the night energy. I make a concerted effort to really engage with her while she is awake. The rest can get done in time… and after she goes to bed. Less sleep happens, and honestly less work gets done, but at the end of the day I am happier. I think this will be a struggle that goes on forever.
I too struggled with infertility for almost 9 years before we were blessed with our little guy. He is 9 months now and I have never had so much love in my heart! I work from home full-time and have someone come in to watch him. There are days were my house is a MESS! I don’t allow anyone upstairs because that’s where I ‘hide’ all the messiness before someone comes over!
There’s just not enough hours in the day to do everything. But, I am going to enjoy the here and now and love on my baby every chance I get, even if it means the house stays a mess!
I just wanted to say that I find your infertility success story inspiring. We have been trying for eight years now and are desperately trying to save for ivf.
perhaps i’m the only non-mom blogger her so far, but i cannot tell you how refreshing it was to read your post today. i follow a lot of blogs & mommy bloggers in particular who seem to have a never ending supply of ideas, inspiration & completed projects. i don’t have children & yet i struggle to complete projects & post them consistently. so the minute i hit your last paragraph about being in ” non-productive state, or period of my life”, i actually breathed a sigh of relief. i’ve been struggling with that most of this year & maybe, that’s just a place we all visit, kids or not! so i’m going to go out on a limb here & offer any of my seems-like-it-will-never-be-done-kitchen-remodel pics/post when you need some filler from someone else struggling with productivity! https://blondemafia.blogspot.com/search/label/kitchen%20remodel
Cassity, your have your priorities straight. Being a mom is the highest calling. Sometimes (often for me) the house is a cluttered chaos but the one on one time with children is there and that is what holds our home together! I can clean and organize my brains out only to have it undone. The work I do with my children doesn’t “undo”!
I love following your blog and hearing from you but I totally support you in answering the higher call first!
I absolutely hear you! Laundry, dishes, dinner, they just get in the way sometimes! Not to mention eating, sleeping and grocery shopping. I’m married and have two girls. I’m going to school an hour away 16 hours a week. I don’t have infertility, but my kids come into this world way too early because I get preeclampsia. It’s an age old battle between what we think should happen and what actually does. It’s helps me to think that this time of life will be over before I know it and it’s ok if there is a mess sometimes. It’s a great test of finding where your limits are and finding if your sacrifices justify the reward. Thanks for keeping it real in blog land. Some bloggers make this look to easy and it’s not. Keep up the good work!