Reality Check… Blogger Mom Style.
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You all probably get sick of my inconsistency with blogging, and I apologize. I kinda wanted to just chat about that subject, since it has been on my mind a lot lately, not a clear train of thought by any means, just a bunch of mumbo jumbo that has been swimming in my brain for weeks!
Since we finished the project for our family room, which nearly killed us to finish, on a schedule…. I have been struggling to catch up. Because NOTHING, and I do mean NOTHING else happened in those 4 weeks, no cooking, no cleaning, the least amount of dishes and only a few showers. It was like a bomb went off in the house, nothing is in it rightful place, and not a second to do anything but get the project done, just barely. We literally recorded the video at 1:00 am the night before we went to Utah for my sister-in-laws wedding. To top it off all that beautiful storage, is just a closed door mess right now, which just makes my mind crazy.
But moving on- as a blogger, I have weeks of total, commitment, where everything aligns and I get a ton of stuff done. Then inevitably the next week, nothing works out, I have no energy, I get discouraged, then I get lazy and nothing gets done til my inbox is literally teeming with mail. The cycle starts again.
Lately though, all around me it seems, that I keep seeing all these posts, talking about how they (meaning other bloggers) have finally got it all under control- all balanced and skinny and beautiful… and my inner dialogue pops up saying, “What in the heck is wrong with me?! ****” . I have always prided myself on what I could get done, and well, that has just changed.
For the first time in my life, I am not really in charge of my schedule. These two little people are. Night and day they rule what I get done and what I don’t. Sleep or not. With one, it was SO much easier, with two- it is well -harder. Especially for me, maybe not for someone else, but definitely for me.
And not getting anything done but “Surviving” ( they should make a t.v. show about it) can be really hard and super frustrating when you like to be busy with big projects like me. It is hard not to be frustrated when things don’t get done for weeks and weeks and months and dare I say the y word (year). Then to add insult to injury, daily my email subscriptions bombard me with all the things I should be able to get done with two kids and I desperately want to get more done. But, even when I do get things done, I don’t have enough free time to post about it. What gives?
One thing not many of you may know, is that I struggled for 8 long years with infertility. Waiting for these kidlets to decide to come to me was the hardest thing I have ever dealt with. All I wanted my whole life was to be a mom, I’ve been talking about it since I was two. To have my own little baby (plus a few more hopefully) in my life. Adoption was out of our reach financially, as well as medically exploring what the problems were. It was the worst kind of dead end. And a really hard struggle.
So now, that I have them, my lovely little daughters, I feel like I need to not be frustrated when they take short naps, that are overlapping so that mom can’t shower or feed herself or workout or make dinner or just sit on Pinterest for 5 minutes alone in my thoughts… overall, I feel like I need to get my priorities a little straighter. And that is where I am right now, now revelation, about being in control.
I don’t’ have everything figured out. And this last week including right now, all I have wanted to do is clean my house, and not be answering email, or writing project posts. And my house is almost, getting to the point where I feel like I can actually organize anything, or walk without tripping over STUFF junk which has taken a lot of help and work… for days (when my house gets messy, I really mean messy, not just un-straightened)
So anyway, while I feel really alone in this, non-productive state, or period of my life- I know I am not the only one. So, maybe one of you will know how I am feeling?!? And I hope that while I am figuring things out that you will bear with me. I may have to feature a few other people’s wonderful dreamy projects a little more often (please send them in! PLEASE!) and write as I can. But I don’t want to regret not spending time with my daughters. I don’t want to be so distracted with building and decorating the perfect home that my children, get lost in the rubble.
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What do you think? Are any of you feeling this way?
Every day of my boy-filled life…
Blogs are fun and even money makers, but kids are where it’s at. I have six and although the youngest is now 6 and the oldest a Senior, they still take a lot of my time and often all my emotional energy. Some days I wonder what am I doing, but I know that all my time and energy is being best spent for them. I know I’ve put lots of my dreams and wants on hold and don’t get much in the way of thank yous. But from one mother to another you are doing awesome. Take all the time you need to take care of them first, all too soon they will be grown up.
Cassity: In reading your post, I had a flashback to when our second child joined our family. I was so tired–it was as if his arrival quadrupled the work! It feels like yesterday, but it was more than 27 years ago. Nobody from my past will tell you I was a great housekeeper (actually, nobody from my present will either!), but my kids were happy and healthy and grown before I knew it!
Absolutely! I think (hope?) most mums do. I have a three year old and a 1 1/2 year old. I am only just feeling like I’m getting into some sort of routine. And only just getting my house a little cleaner. But it is still far from perfect. I have asked for a lot of help since number two. People seem to think that you know what you’re doing by no. 2 but it was way harder for me anyway.
I had to deal with terrible twos, potty training, breast feeding, a newborn who wouldn’t sleep and he didn’t until about 14 months! It’s okay to not feel on top of it. I still don’t. But I just try to find small victories every day and tel my husband about it. ‘I got some ironing done today’ or ‘I managed to get Ethan down for a nap without rocking him!’ or whatever you can find (maybe the floor? 🙂 that’s always a bonus if we can!)
You do fantastic. We don;t do any remodeling but still find it hard. You are a good mum because your priorities are right. You know your kids need you and you give them that time, but still make sure you have time for yourself. You have to!
Sorry for the very long comment, your post just struck a cord with me!
Nothing is more important than your precious babies right now, and I’m sure TONS of people would love the chance to guest post on your blog. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Take care of yourself and your family, the rest will work itself out!
You are doing the most important job of all – raising two beautiful little girls. Enjoy them while they are little and love to be with you. So what if your house gets messy and projects don’t get done as quickly as you’d like, there will always be projects and messes 🙂 You are probably way harder on yourself than anyone else is. Relax and enjoy!
I am in the South Island of New Zealand – many, many miles from you but the story is the same! Mothers are coping with the same issues everywhere.
My eldest is 26 and the youngest is 15. It started when the first was born and it hasnt changed since. LOL Always chasing my tail and then I remember to enjoy them first, then so I dont go completely bonkers sometimes put all else on hold to have a clean and tidy house then back to the rollercoaster of sometimes getting renovating or other projects done. I haven’t been near my blog in months. Welcome to the REAL world. Love everything you post but happy for it to take a back seat to life. All the best and enjoy those girls.
Having my second child was the toughest transition for me. Three and four were much easier.
That being said, unfortunately guilt comes with being a mom. I’m not sure why we all go there, but we do. We all compare our worst faults with someone’s best strengths.
Snuggle those babies you worked so hard for and waited so long for. You will never regret any time you spend with them.
The fact that you are even having this conflict attests to the strength you have as a mom and just how incredible you are at it.
Keep it up!!!
I understand how you’re feeling. We have 4 children (one adopted because we struggled with infertility too) and one baby due in January. We’ve been trying to fix up a house we bought a year ago and everything takes forever to get done. I’m more unorganized than ever before in my life and it drives me nuts. Before kids it seemed like I could accomplish so much and had my life and house nicely organized. It’s a tough adjustment, but I try to remind myself that the kids are my full-time job right now and that it’s harder to measure what I accomplish each day with them because the before and after pictures are 18 years in the making.
Cassity, As I’m sure you’ve picked up from all your other comments, you are not alone! We ALL have more to do than what can possibly fit into a day. We are ALL overwhelmed, thinking others have it all together while we scramble and fret and always seem to come up short. And frankly, we are ALL in this together. So let me offer my guest writing services. I blog over at livingrichonless.com. If you need some “filler,” I’d be happy to oblige. Tomorrow, I’ll be posting about a lighting project that is (finally) finished in my kitchen. And I just posted yesterday some tips on how to cheat at cleaning. If any of these topics interest you, let me know.
I so get what you are saying! I also have two daughters (4 & 2) and actually they play wonderfully together (well for the most part…there are screams every so often…and somedays all the time) and I can do projects. But then if I do (and get caught up in the projects) I immediately feel guilty for working on projects and not just hanging out with these two wonderfully goofy and funny people that I have the honor of being a mom to. I have been going back and forth on what to do and how to have the best of both worlds until recently. I’ve decided that I need to do projects less (even though it is going to be so hard to carry out that goal) and spend more time just being with them because 10 or 15 years from now I’m not going to care about my memories of what the color of paint on my walls was or if my house looked like the amazing picture I had in my head, but I sure as heck am going to about my memories of my girls. I am in no means trying to tell you what to do (I totally hate when people do that) – just what works for me and that you are not alone! I hope everything works out for you and if you somehow find the magic way to have the best of both worlds – please share :).
Love your babies with all your heart and spend as much time with them as you can stomach. You will blink and they will be all grown up…truly. The days are long but the years are short.
I had a really hard time in the toddler years because I am very neat and organized…and suddenly, the house never was. I came to realize that it was a successful day if both my kids and I were still alive at the end of the day. Truly, the house can wait. Now is all the time you have. Use it wisely.
I needed to hear someone else say this, especially today. I have two kids, my youngest is 2 1/2 and honestly I just now feel like things are getting a little easier. And I feel like I BARELY have it together at all most days. And they keep growing up so fast, it’s truly hard to manage it all. Best of luck in trying to find something that works, love your blog.
I hear ya sister!! I’m in the exact same boat as you…overwhelmed…often unmotivated for longer than one day…desperate to record and remember every breath my kids take but also wanting to have a house that I can be proud of a dinners that are not from a box! I think that this will always be a struggle while our kids are young. When we look in the mirror and our make up is done and we’ve showered and were rested…those are gonna be the days when our kids are grown and were wishing for these times back! Good luck lady…you are in good company!
Cass…I do not know what you are feeling because I have not been blessed in that way. But, I do know that I have come to a point in my life that if I had the opportunity to have a child, I would drop everything and I mean everything to be a mom. I used to think I would be a working mom and conquer the world, but now, I just want to be a mom. That is all and at the same time one of the greatest and most wonderful things in the world. Simple yet amazing. I think you are normal in finding that balance. It is so difficult, but it is your life. Or as the men at work say…you destiny. This was part of your plan. Now, use that agency and do what you feel is best. I love you and the little monkeys so much. I love adorable Justin too. Big kisses my friend. I always play Bob Marley for my students when they get stressed….”Don’t worry about a thing, cuz every little thing’s gonna be alright…” Trust me….it helps. You won’t get it outta your head. Love you. I cannot wait to see you in almost a month. SO excited.
Love Jenn
Oh man, we are ALL in your boat I think!!! Finally I have my youngest in one day a week preschool and I get all giddy that day and splurge on a coffee and act all cool going into stores actually able to “shop” without someone telling me they have to go potty! Every season of our life has it’s ups and downs and I say, let’s just try to enjoy them all! No need to put pressure on yourself – you really do so much and shouldn’t be so hard on yourself!!!
I know you don’t know me from Adam. I just stumbled upon your site the other week and I’m new to this whole blogging experience (love your blog by the way!). BUT, I must say, THANK YOU for this post. I’m a new mom, in a new city, hundreds of miles from my family and old friends. Talk about feeling lonely. I’m struggling with the whole unproductive thoughts too and, like you, have come to the realization lately that time is fleeting. We will never get the hours back. So I say, enjoy them immensely and love your girls with all you’ve got. Don’t worry about the dirty dishes or the piles of laundry. All the “stuff” just reminds us… we’re blessed beyond measure. Thank you again 😉
you, my dear, need to close your mind to the blog and the mess and lay around with those beautiful girls. it may not be easy the first few days, but it will grow on you. quickly! i, too, suffered through infertility and remember the pain like it was yesterday…and feel guilty for telling my children to “hold on”, to “wait a minute”, to “shhh!”. but you are human….we are all human and complex. you can have this blog and enjoy those babies! yes, your house may be a mess and dinner might come out of a box BUT it can work! go for the features!! use the following you have built to get you through this challenging time until you have the energy to focus on your own projects again.
we all love your blog and your projects but…no offense…i’m not saying, “what the heck is she doing, that lazy bum?”
take care of your family. and your self!! and enjoy!!!
amy (i’ll be sending you some features!!)
I am reading your post, and many of the comments, and just sitting here crying. I didn’t struggle with infertility. I don’t have a “job” outside of being mommy. I did spend most of my life being sure that when I had children I would be supermom because I wanted those babies so badly. Reality is a little hard to adjust to at times right? 🙂 I feel like every day all day I have to remind myself that this is all I get. These days when they are little and need me so much are the most precious days. And like you said, you want to get things done too (whatever those things may be). You want to do them because you need some part of you to still be thriving WHILE being mom. I say pat yourself on the back for being the the best mom you can be! And for having a wildly popular and fantastic blog at the same time!