The last time I talked about my weight I had just had Lydia. I thought I was so out of control, how in the world could I possibly be 190lbs? But I need to remember to be a little easier on and accepting of myself. I had, after all, just had two children in two years and started my own business, and we took the leap of my husband quitting his job to work for us, finishing our last house, a move half way across the country, a new remodel and just purchasing the next, biggest project we've ever attempted, the truth is, the stress has taken it's toll.
Lydia is turning 4 soon (I will cry about that more later, why do they grow up so fast…? WHY?) Since last writing the aforementioned post, while I may have initially lost some weight, I've gained more back… Judge me from your perfect size 4 pants, but at the beginning of the month I topped out at 220. That is 10 pounds more than I was when I was giving birth to Lydia! UGH!! Are you freaking kidding me?
I have been feeling so overwhelmed by it. My whole life I have watched my own mother struggle, and never conquer her “weight”. I literally have some major stumbling blocks in my attitude toward weight that I didn't even know I had, (more about this later)
So, last fall I committed to start losing weight pretty much at the expense of everything else in my life. I kept it up for 4 months, I lost inches and about 10 pounds, plateauing at 200, and never getting to 1 freaking 99…, I just wanted to hit 199… the plateau ruined my resolve! The hard work with no change, and the mounting stress of ignoring my business and basically everything else took over, and I ran out of control and went CRAZY! Like, I literally I couldn’t stop myself from making bad choices.
We’ve since bought a huge ball of stress, or in other words, I mean, another GINORMOUS remodel. My biggest down fall is stress, and I've got that in abundance. Working all day and not having a plan for dinner, living between two houses. We eat out so often that I practically know every employee at my local Kneaders… Not that knowing the employees is the problem, it is the salted caramel cookies, luckily they are out of season! Phew, dodged that bullet!
If you've been following me on Instagram (I recommend it @remodelaholic or my personal account @cassandjustin), you will know that I recently took a trip to Fitness Ridge Resort. Don't let the Resort part of the name fool you! This is not a place to relax and get a tan. It is a place to change your whole life!
When the opportunity to go to Fitness Ridge Came up I LITERALLY freaked out! I have wanted to go there for the last 5 years, but between pregnancies, nursing and demands of a business, who has time for yourself?! Not me. And leaving my kids for 7 full days is just not my cup of tea. I know some parents like to leave, I really don’t.
BUT, I decided it would be worth the sacrifice. I had to go, even though between you and me I almost canceled last minute. Thank heaven I didn't.
I was SCARED!
You know those tests you had to take in 6th grade. How fast you can run a mile, haw many pull-ups can you do, how far can you stretch. Let’s just say I could do the pull-ups, but the stretching and the running… I have never been able to breathe and run at the same time and touching my toes, my legs are just too long.
I had no real expectation of what we’d actually be doing, other than to be scared. Did I mention I was scared?
But literally my visit to Fitness Ridge changed my WHOLE life and I wanted to talk a little bit about that with you today.
The biggest thing that this visit did for me was mental clarity and courage to actually delve into the way I think about myself and my weight. Why I sabotage myself, and always fight back in stupid ways even if it hurts myself. It is hard to admit, but I learned more about the workings of my inner self talk and actions at fitness ridge than I have in my life. And I feel like I've gained the tools to understand how I can change my life and the proper expectations about how to change.
Day 1 at Fitness Ridge:
With an early start at 6:00 am for stretch… the sun wasn't even up, WHY IN THE WORLD was I awake? I will admit, I liked it (not the awake part, let’s make that clear, the stretch part)…
Breakfast was great, lots of different choices.
Then, on to the beautiful scenery of Southern Utah. AMAZING! We were told to kind of just go at our own pace. I have to admit, I sort of liked being in the middle of two packs of people on my own, made me feel like a lone little island in the middle of the most beautiful place ever. At the end of the hike I had already burned 2,000 calories… Say What?
Burn baby burn!
Time for a class, my inner book worm becomes excited! #ILOVESCHOOL
And I will say that the classes where one of my very favorite parts. The reason I feel like I know myself so much better than I have in the past. Learning about our “belief window” and all that goes along with that. I have to give a shout out to Sione Fa. I loved his classes! And I was so excited to meet him, since I loved watching him on that one unnamed reality TV show! Thanks Sione!
More working out. Working out hard, to clarify.
Start meeting cool people.
Lunch Dinner and even dessert, because heck I am 220. I want dessert… just sayin'.
Day 2 at Fitness Ridge:
Groundhog day of day one.
Except with lot of emotional-ness. Is that a word? Apparently when you are working your body this hard, it is hard to stuff down emotions. (that and I totally forgot to bring a bag of Oreos to stuff my emotions down with… I kid, I don't really like Oreos)
Day 3 at Fitness Ridge:
(this is me turning from a caterpillar to a butterfly in case you are wondering…)
Amazing day good mental break throughs! This is the day that I feel like I finally began to move forward by leaps and bounds.
Best decision of my life was an hour of counseling with Jen the life coach at Fitness Ridge. (thanks to Diana of Livy Loves to Run for this inspired advice!!!) OUT OF THIS PARK! I learned more about the inner workings of my emotional self in that hour than I have in my life. I REALLY want a counselor now! Amazing to get to be the one that gets to unload on someone else. I LOVE THAT.
Like a super bad student, I skipped out on two work outs that afternoon, it was a conscious decision. I felt good about my choice, I needed so me time. I went on a joy ride in my car, singing at the top of my lungs, windows down, crying and ultimately getting a kids meal at Kneaders. (I know right? I go to Kneaders?… yes I did. I thought it through before hand I asked myself if I was emotionally eating? And If I was was I okay with that? YES, H*** yes, actually! NO GUILT. Sorry did I just swear about a Kneaders kids meal? Yes, yes I did. And just to be clear, I chose the chips instead of the grapes. I was totally gonna make this meal count. I didn’t eat the cookie, count the little victories guys…
And I made sure I went to the swimming class that day to make up for it after… because Sione can be sorta brutal in the pool workouts, and I guess I needed the butt kicking.
Best lesson I learned: It is easy to live in an extreme, completely not caring or freak like control. Balance is what is hard.
Day 4 at Fitness Ridge:
The soreness is gone! WAHOO!
Probably my favorite hike. I LOVED my hike leader Deb! Love to Deb!
Oh shoot, an entire Tabata class dedicated to squats and lunges… the soreness will return with a vengeance… I know this… but I have faced it before. I can handle this.
Best lunch ever today, the food was amazing today, but I LOVE shrimp, just saying. (Why don't I live by the ocean so I can eat seafood with every meal?) Check out their Butternut Squash soup (recipe at the link, I made it this week! Very good!) and a Shrimp with couscous meal! AMAZING!
The nutrition classes were golden, too.
Day 5 at Fitness Ridge:
10K say what?
We all know I don’t run and breathe at the same time…I've made that clear right? The first half of it SUCKS big time up a constant small incline. UGH! Running downhill is awesome. Getting listen to music is Awesome. Everything is Awesome.
I actually finished, I am happy i did it, I feel like I could do it again.
Day 6 at Fitness Ridge:
For some masochistic reason, I decided to save the enigma that is called “Stop Sign” for the last day.
Even though, I’m feeling trunky, already planning on packing the second I get back and go home early to surprise my kids. I still need to focus… BAD IDEA to not be TOTALLY focused.
So the first few miles of Stop Sign rolling gentle incline. Totally doable. I was prancercising along the trail rocking out to my music, since we can actually listen to music on this hike.
I make it to “Mini stop sign”, the farthest I’ve been on this road, everything ahead of me is unknown. No “wisdom” to help me make it through this climb of about 1,000 feet in elevation in the next mile and a half.
I start slow, no more getting to sing out loud with my music, there is no oxygen left for that. Which sucks. I really need the motivation of some good sing along music. My legs are burning, this is going on forever, when the crap am I going to make it to the top?
Since I really had no idea where I was along the track, I start thinking about wanting to quit. No one would know… I could drive up in my car after and take the freaking obligatory picture. (except that I tend to admit all my faults to everyone I know, so everyone would find out- dang it!) I could go back and talk to my kids on the phone… Holy Heck. NOT LOVING this.
Honestly, I thought I had got all my emotions out on Weeping Wednesday, but like the soreness in my thighs, it is all coming back to me now.
P.S. Don’t start crying when you can’t breathe, it constricts your air pipe. My throat is closing, I start praying, I just need to know when I will reach the top. SOMEDAY.
Am I only 1/3 of the way? Have I only made it a ¼ of the way? My psyche is freaking out- and I am hyperventilating. How am I going to survive this? When will it end? I hate this! I don’t even want to do this, I should be packing to leave.
I start praying harder. One of the fast walkers is coming toward me from the top, like a messenger from heaven she tells me, it is just around the bend. Now I really start crying, I was totally ready to give up. Why do I always do this to myself? Thank heaven my prayers for help were answered. I am about to pass out when my cute guide comes jogging, up I really am not in a state to be able to talk… I am sort of hysterical. It was hard, I hated the last mile. And now I am done!
Take my dang picture, okay I took two… and turn around and walk as fast as I can back down hill, (remember I love the downhill part? I still do!) with my music as loud as it can go singing at the top of my lungs. I realize, I can do hard, unknown things. I am ready to come back to Fitness Ridge as soon as I can. It was a good hard experience, this “stop sign thing”.
Graduation. I didn't talk much about the friends I made through this,, but that truly was one of the best parts of the time there. THE PEOPLE! I've made friends that I truly hope to keep up with over the years. We need to have a Fitness ridge reunion week together again!
Don't forget to get as many massages as you can! My favorite was the Lomi Lomi! Thanks Marie!
So sad to leave.
Drive home… lots of thinking.
I come home to welcome home signs, flowers and the most beautiful family I’ve ever seen, a dinner lovingly made per my text request… ½ veggies, ¼ protein and ¼ complex carb. Grilled, lemon chicken, brown rice, roasted cauliflower and carrots with walnuts and grilled asparagus. BEST DINNER EVER (Note to self, why doesn't my husband cook more often?! Most beautiful meal ever!
I've already been home for a few weeks, including Thanksgiving, a family trip to Disney and a church potluck. This is a hard time of year, but I am well armed and so motivated to reate balance. I am still doing well. I called my old trainer to come and start training us again at home instead of the gym. I still don't really love the gym, which is fine.
We eat healthy meals AT HOME.
I use some tips from each class every day.
I really want to sign up for a kick boxing class… (apparently I like to hit things… who knew?)
I feel SO empowered. I feel motivated and detoxed.
What is my overall opinion. AMAZING!
I am going back in the spring… I'm not scared anymore! Thanks to Fitness Ridge for teaching me so MUCH! I can't wait to come back! If you are feeling like you could use a good push in the right direction, I whole heartedly suggest going to Fitness Ridge, it will change your life! Call Trevor to set up a trip (888) 870-2639!